The Confession
by 26Chapters
Summary: A little emotional piece on Abbie's feelings for Ichabod.
1. Chapter 1

She has been many things in her life, but a fool, that she hasn't been. Ever. Until now.

She can't believe she allowed herself to imagine that he loves her, like she loves him.

He doesn't love her it turns out, not even a little. All that time that they've spent together, and she thinking that the things he did were those of someone who loved the person they were doing them for, but she's been massively mistaken. She took his loyalty, and his dependability and gentleman way of being for love, love for her. Even after they had rescued Katrina from Purgatory, he remained the same with her, they were exactly the same as when Katrina wasn't there, except she was, and it was no different at all. Of course she had no idea what went on when he and Katrina were alone, or back at the cabin, she didn't at all like to think about the two of them together without her, because when the three of them were together, nothing was different between Abbie and Ichabod, even with the presence of Katrina.

She tricked herself into thinking that at times he would stare at her when she wasn't looking, she knew this, by the way she felt heavy, exactly how she would feel when someone was looking at her. Worst of all, she'd fallen in love with him, and she truly believed he did too.

But after tonight, she knows her lonely mind has conjured up all that about him. The man only has eyes for his wife, she has always been his only priority, there wasn't a time when he didn't talk about rescuing Katrina, until they did. The only problem is, it hurts so very much, it's cutting so deeply into the last cells of her being that she isn't sure she will ever be okay.

Abbie recalls the look on his face when he looked at Katrina, they way his eyes shed tears for her, before he leapt to her. How he folded Katrina into his arms and rocked back and forth with her pressed limply into him, and kept whispering for her not to leave him, 'Katrina, no, no, stay with me. Please stay with me.' It hurt her so much to see such pure and sincere display of love, such a deepness, especially since she thought Ichabod loved her.

They did manage to get Katrina to hospital, she wouldn't die, but he'd been unwilling to let her go, to hand her over to the doctors. Abbie didn't even have the heart to make him see reason, that if he wanted Katrina alive, he'd have to allow the doctors to do their job, she was too busy hurting, dying excruciatingly slowly inside. All she did was sit in a chair, and place her face into her hands. She wanted to cry, right there and then, she wanted to release all the ugly she felt inside, but she kept herself.

She won't continue being a fool.

Her car pulling up at the cabin settles the finality of it in. It's over. There has never been anything in place to begin with, but still it's over. Well, and truly over.

'Will you be coming in?' his voice breaks into her thoughts. She looks at him for the first time since they left the hospital. Just as she didn't want to see, his face is tired, broken, still breaking, she can't bear to see him this way, especially for the reason he is this way.

She shakes her head lightly, hoping he would just get into the cabin as fast as possible so that she would be left alone.

'Well,' he begins unbuckling the seatbelt over him, 'thank you for everything today.' The seatbelt shrinks back into its place, but he stays seated, fidgeting with his hands.

'Abbie,' he turns in his seat to face her.

'Listen,' she starts before he can have his say, 'I won't be coming tomorrow, I'm sorry. You'll have to call a taxi.'

'Why?' he frowns, the frown he keeps reserved for when he doesn't comprehend what she's talking about.

Abbie sighs, because she can't lie to him. From the beginning, whenever he asked her something, she would tell him the truth, that has always been their relationship. Because she doesn't want to take him to the hospital.

'I think,' she looks away from him, 'it's better if I stay away.'

'Better?' he asks, 'If you stay away? Why do you need to stay away?' He really has no clue what is going on, he is just so clueless. It pains her more.

An overwhelming need to get out of the car comes over her, it's so strong that she's opened the door and is out of the car before she knows what she's doing. The air that meets her is a little of a relief, a momentary distraction from the reality that is her life. She bends her body forward, like she is in abdominal pain, but she only wants to cry, she badly wants to cry.

'Abbie?' he comes around to her. She didn't hear the door on his side open.

'Are you all right?'

She doesn't answer him.

'Abbie,' his hand comes to touch her side, she jerks up suddenly, as if the touch has hurt her. A look of pain comes across his face when she looks up at him. It's not what she wants, to hurt him just because she's hurting.

'Crane,' she calls in an apologetic tone, stepping to him, 'you have to go inside.' The man is already in a state, she won't add on to his load, for stupidity on her part.

'No,' he takes a step back from her, clearly not agreeing with her, 'no.' They stare at each other silently. It is getting darker, if they stay out for much longer, the darkness will cover them.

'No,' he repeats with a little harshness, her eyebrows raise in surprise, 'No,' he says again, taking a big step to her.

'You have been pushing me aside for some time now. You are different with me. What have I done to deserve this? Did I offend you?' He's not exactly shouting, but he isn't asking calmly either. She blames Katrina's situation for his manner, he's desperate, and hurt, he's in pain, and she understands that.

'What did you do?' she steps right into his frame, only millimetre separating their bodies from contact, 'What did you do?' She wants to cry, her desire is to succumb to weakness, but she won't, she will tell him what he's done, and then she'll stoop to weakness, even if it's in front of him.

'You...' she starts, her voice a pitch between strain and anger, 'you spent all that time with me, and you pulled me to you. You made me appreciate you, trust you, you made me depend on you. You made me love you.' She stops talking, and he simply looks at her without a word. It's not what she was expecting, not that she was expecting anything, but any reaction would've been something.

'Crane!' she thrusts her open hands into his chest, taking some of his balance away. He nearly falls back, but she catches him by the arms. She finds that she can't stop bubbling inside, her hands on him act as an incentive to lash out at him.

'You ruined my life,' she attacks his arms with firm fists, 'I hate you so much for ruining my life. You, Ichabod Crane, took my heart, and you healed it and you tore it apart. I hate you.' He doesn't move back to prevent himself being fisted, his eyes remain fixed on her, her actions.

'Say something,' she cries desperately, aiming a punch at his chest, but it stops before it makes contact with his clothes, his skin, 'Crane,' she whispers looking up at him. His quiet observance weakens her on top of all.

'The way you held Katrina...how you looked at her when you thought she was dying...it's burned,' she tells him calmly, 'it's just burned into my head. You...Katrina, you just looked lost, like-'

'Abigail,' he grips her firmly suddenly, 'stop. Stay still,' he breathes out.' She isn't struggling against him, but she stiffens.

'Stay still,' he tells her again, his voice hoarse. Carefully, as though not to disrupt the new stance, he eases her from his grip, and takes her left hand into his. He guides it to directly over the area his heart rests.

'Listen.' Her hands can't listen, but if she can feel the rhythm of his heart, she will hear it too, a loud echo in her head.

'Just listen,' he says softly. Follow his words, Abbie closes her eyes, pressing her hand deep over his heart.

'That is you, that is all you,' he says quietly, 'you are doing that to me. You do that to me. Everyday. When I see you, when I think of you. It's only you.'

Amazingly, the words he's saying correspond with his heartbeat, he could create a song using his heartbeat and his words. It's scary how fast and slow his heart is beating, she can't get enough of it.

'Abigail,' he whispers her name into her ear. Because she wasn't prepared, she inhales deeply as her eyes fly open.

'Abbie,' he prays her name against her cheek. The tiny hand on his chest clutches his shirt tightly, and he hears her breathing picking up.

'You are the one I love. I love you.'

'You are married,' she places her chin on his shoulder.

'But I love you,' he pulls his face for hers, 'Abbie, just you, no one else.' Not Katrina, he wants to say.

'You are married,' she repeats, tears falling from her at last. She's thought of it before, that he's married, it's just now that he has admitted to loving her, it's thirtyfold more clearer.

'I know,' he whispers, leaning his forehead on hers, 'I know. But I love you anyway.' Smiling weakly, Abbie raises her free hand to caress his cheek lightly, 'I love you.'

'I'm married,' he mirrors her words, and they laugh together. They can't be, she knows that, neither of them are the betraying type. But he loves her, that's all that matters.

**Yeah, I don't know what happened to Katrina, I just needed a background for my fic. And if I confused you, I'm sorry. I wish I was I had it in me to kill Katrina so Abbie could be with Ichabod, but I actually like Katrina. Oh well...**


	2. Chapter 2

This is certainly not how she imagined her life would turn out. Some months back, she'd been ready to leave for the FBI, to leave the town of Sleepy Hollow behind, and now, she's here, where she thought she'd never be in her life.

She knocks once on the door of the cabin. Immediately, the door swings back and reveals Ichabod in the doorway.

'That was fast,' she says to him.

'I heard your car arrive,' he tells her, stepping back to allow her entry. They are past the stage of presenting each other with greetings of any kind, a large portion of their time, they spent in one another's company, one moment always seemed to lead to the next.

'Mmm,' she comments as she brushes past him, turning to face him as he closes the door, 'So...' She doesn't want to drag this out, right now is the best time for them to discuss what she wants.

'I know I said I wouldn't come today, but-'

'What made you change your mind?' he frowns.

'Last night, when I drove home, I did a lot of thinking,' she says, 'And we need to talk.'

Last night, had been a big change for her, for the both of them, she can't allow that nothing be done about it. Love declarations should never be left hanging in the air.

'I agree,' he nods, 'Shall we sit?' gesturing to the table. Abbie takes two steps to it, pulls out a chair and sits. He does the same, selecting to sit opposite her.

'So,' her hands splay out on the table before her, 'I realised that I pulled a Katrina.' It probably isn't the best thing to mention his hospitalised wife, but since she is in no danger of dying (according to the doctor), it's passable.

'You did what?' he questions, not understanding what she means. Abbie cannot help it smile.

'You know...I told you I love you, when there's another person involved. And the last time that happened with you, someone died. And became the horseman of death.'

'Oh,' is all he says.

'I know you wouldn't have said if I didn't,' she says looking at him in the eyes, 'and now I've created this thing...this situation for you, and I'm sorry...'

'Why do I sense there's a contradiction coming?'

'But,' she tries not to smile, 'I did, so now we have to deal with it.' She quiets, waiting for Ichabod to say something. He doesn't immediately, his eyes search her face, possibly looking for a sign.

'Do you regret your profession to me?' he asks her. Abbie shakes her head lightly, 'No, but Crane, I really think it wasn't right of me. I was just so...I don't know...I saw you look at Katrina, and my heart tore. I didn't think I would ever heal...I didn't mean to tell you.' Ichabod takes hold of her hand in both his, as always, it's so tiny in his, 'Abigail,' he gives her small smile, 'you have to learn to calm down when you talk to me.' She nods, exhaling heartily, 'This is all new for me.'

'As it is for me,' he says, causing Abbie to raise her eyebrows.

'Oh yes, it is,' he insists, knowing full well what she means by her expression, 'you are not Katrina.' She expected he would say more, but apparently, that is more than enough for him.

'Speaking of Katrina,' Abbie tries to pry her hand from his with no success, 'we need to tell her.' She holds up her other hand when he shows wanting to interrupt her, 'She needs to know. It'll be awkward and difficult and painful, but we do have to tell her. Today.'

'Is that what you want?' he wants to know. Abbie can't say if he's really asking or he's reasoning with himself.

'Look, I'm not asking you to leave Katrina, but I really think it's only right that we tell her.'

'I once said to Abraham, a forced union is not beneficial,' Ichabod does as though to bring her hand to his cheek, but he stops himself, 'I cannot be with Katrina out of obligation.'

'And you do know you and I can't be together right? It's just wrong.'

'What is the point of us telling Katrina then? Do not misunderstand me, I'm not saying we shouldn't tell her, but surely...'

'She needs to know. I would want to know, wouldn't you, if it were you?'

'I suppose,' he shrugs.

'Crane,' she pushes her chair out and gets up, 'you are the guy I fight demons with everyday. I spend all my time with you, there are bound to be moments, especially now...I just don't want to feel like we're having an affair. We're not those people.' She walks around to him, seating on the table, her hand still between both of his.

'You are right,' he admits, looking at her with admiration, 'To be honest, I couldn't sleep thinking about what you just said, I thought about the things you spoke of right now.'

'And,' she places a hand on his cheek, 'you'll have to stop looking at me like that.'

'Like how?'

'Like that,' she lets go of his cheek, 'nothing has changed between us. You can't look at me like I'm the treasure you lost years back, and you've finally found. You really shouldn't.'

'I look at you that way?' he asks seriously. Abbie laughs quietly, adoring the look of incredulity on his face.

'Yes.'

'Oh.'

'Yeah,' Abbie smiles, 'I believe you, you know.'

'Believe me?' he frowns.

'That you love me,' she explains, 'you don't have to prove it. And I have no right to ask you to leave Katrina, she's your wife. Think of us as some ancient forbidden love. I suppose it gets easier.'

'It never does,' he tells her in a firm tone.

'Perhaps,' she starts with a weak smile, 'that is the sacrifice that Witnesses must carry. It isn't about us.'

Suddenly, Ichabod releases her hand, standing up, and cupping her face, 'Abigail. You are...I am not willing to let you be a sacrifice. I love you, that we can never be, I will not accept.'

'You have to,' she stands too, her height has her looking up at him, 'for now. Let's talk to Katrina first okay. Then we'll move from there.'

'Do you love me?' he presses his palms a little deeper into her skin. Abbie's phone starts ringing.

'Abigail?' he tries getting her attention when she reaches for her mobile device, 'Abbie?'

She only looks at him as she brings the phone to her ear, 'Mills?' she speaks into the phone. Ichabod has no choice, but to let go of her.

'Okay,' she answers, 'Okay. We'll be right there.' She hangs the phone up.

'It was the hospital,' she tells him, 'Katrina's awake, and she wants to see you.' Abbie forgot that she'd put down her number as the emergency contact, because he hadn't been in his right state of being the previous night.

'You did not answer me,' he insists.

'Yes. I do. I love you,' she tells him, 'We have to go. Katrina's awake.'

She is trying not to be nervous, not to let her emotions spill out, because she believes that if she shows nervousness, they'll never go through with telling Katrina. Whatever happens afterwards, they have to tell her today.

'Let us go see her then,' he agrees.


End file.
